This house has two excellent examples of disfunctional relationships. In the first room we have my parents, who are the sort of people that should never be together. It's clear to everyone but them. They piss each other off and are unable to spend a moment in the same room without being angry with one another. They are constantly at each other's throats.

For twenty-two years I've proclaimed that their fights are none of my business (except when they're yelling at each other outside my bedroom door at 1 or 6 AM). I remember well that, when we were kids, my siblings used to sob without comfort when ever my parents screamed at one another, but I tuned it out and never gave it much thought.

But now that's over. Now I have to ask why. Not why do they fight and why have they always fought. Not why do they seem to hate each other. Not why have they stayed together for so many miserable years. I know all of those things. What I want to know is why can't they follow my example?

I know I'm not God or anything, and I certainly make mistakes and do bad things. But I really think we would all be much better off if they would take notes on the disfuctional relationship between the other two people in the house: me and Patrick. Just like my parents, Patrick and I sleep within feet of one another. However, I can't make him stop waking me up every night when he [*coughs, a lot*], I can't make him do anything about the gigantic mound of dirty clothes that takes up a third of the floor space, and I can't make him sleep in the other room when he's done something especially awful. My living situation is more intolerable than theirs, at least within the bedroom. Sure, my parents sleep in the same bed, but I've slept in the same bed as Michael after we broke up. It's not that hard to share a bed and have nothing to do with one another.

Patrick and I used to be at each others throats pretty often. I find him to be rude, abrasive and unbelievably annoying. Then, a few years ago, I decided I had had enough. I knew it would be hard on everyone, but I realized that I could not have a relationship with him. I am unable to change him, but I can't accept him for who he is. If he were not my brother I would have absolutely nothing to do with him. It sucks, but I have to accept this fact. I do not like him but I can't do anything about it. So my only solution is to ignore him completely. I try to spend all of my time in a different room from him. I often avoid activities that he's part of (although certainly not always). When he tells a story to "the room" I refrain from comment, no matter how stupid or offensive or naive I think he sounds. Because I know it doesn't matter what I say or do. I can't make him change.

My parents are certainly not happy with this, and I think my mom has subtly tried to get us to spend a bit more time together. But why can't they see that this is so much easier on everyone else than what they are doing? They should have realized by now, after 30 years of knowing one another, that neither one of them can make the other one change. They're not receptive to one another. It has absolutely no use to try. So they have two choices from here. The first is to change themselves and, I know my parents. They're two very stubborn people who refuse to ever admit a mistake. So neither one will be willing to change because each of them thinks it's the other one who will change. So why not accept that? Why not realize that they will never be happy together, so there's no point in even trying? I know they can't seperate because of financial issues, so how hard would it be to just ignore one another completely, except when absolutely necessary to make contact? I know that the answer is it would be very hard, but they don't seem to know or care how hard their abysmal failure of a relationship is on those around them. There was a time to make it better, but now I think it's just time to make do.