I know it's too much to ask to expect not to hurt anymore.

I just wish that, when it does hurt, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

naveisapa

GA:  haveidei, nav sepora galmoreidei
V-:    gaveisei, mav seborrad almoreid
En:   Vendi and Galmostan are hard, yo.

I have food stamps and I'm not ashamed

I receive $200 a month in food stamp benefits.

I'm full-time a graduate student.  Food stamps are just one of several ways that I support myself.  I saved a little bit of money from my previous job, I found a new job on campus, and I have taken out student loans.  I also began college with nearly $10,000 in an education award, which I earned through two years of full-time community service.  I have since used this award to pay tuition and pay down some of my student loan debt.

I am proud to be on food stamps, because it's a part of my story, and it's part of how I've gotten to where I am today.  It's not my only strategy, but it is an integral part of my life experience over the last several years.

In a year, I will have received my professional graduate degree, and in an economy at this level or better, I will begin earning a far greater wage than I ever have.  And within a few years, through income and sales taxes, I will have paid far more into the system than I have taken out.  And I will be happy to pay much, much more into the system, in order to make make a social investment, and help people who need it.

I'm writing a song for Nicki Minaj's next album!

 I'm the best and greatest me
You ain't the best me
Me me me me me
The greatest and the best is me
Me is the best [weird voice] and greatest me
You're the worst worse than me

Chorus:
I'm me the best greatest me
You are just as lame as my pee
Me is the me me me me
Me best me greatest me
[weird voice] You are not as greatest as me!

No one as as best or as greatest as me
I am all the greatests and also me
You're a bitch and a hoe unlike me
I'm the biggest bitch hoe greatest me
[weird voice] I I I I I I I I I (me)
[still weird voice] I'm the greatest and bestest its me me me me!

(chorus X2)

End

The official dance move for the music video is walking in place

It isn't welcome here anymore

How are you this morning?  Are you good?  Or are you well?

If I'm describing how I am, I've always gone with good (or okay, or some other adjective).  "I am well" has never quite sat right with me.  But the people who use it seem so sure!  In fact, they even correct people sometimes.  So, since I could never quite figure out how to argue my case, I agreed to a truce with the I am well folks:  I'd let them say it their way, and I would say it in mine.

But not any more.  I can now definitively say that there is only one correct version of this phrase.  It is "I am good."  Anything else is absolutely incorrect.  I'm sorry, but you're not well; you're wrong.

Yes, an adverb usually modifies a verb, which is why well is so appealing here.  Think about the other contexts:  I feel well, I dance well, etc.  You would never (or at least, should never!) say I dance good.  So the correct phrase is I am well, right?

Wrong.  The verb "to be" is an exception here.  Let's imagine you are having a terrible day.  Just absolutely the worst.  When someone asks you how you are, would you say "I am poorly"?  No.  But "am" is a verb, and it takes an adverb, so it should be "poorly", right?  No, "am" is an exception.  To be sure, we don't say "I am poor" either (not in this context).  Nothing quite works in this circumstance, so we'd usually find a way to state it differently:  I'm not doing well, I'm feeling badly, or my condition is poor.

Okay, I admit, I've never actually heard someone say "my condition is poor."  But I think anyone with a 7th grade education can agree that it is grammatically correct, even if stuffy and overly formal.  But look at it again.  My condition is poor.  "Is" is a verb--it is the 3rd person singular form of the word "am."  But it's taking an adjective, not an adverb.  Could you ever say "my condition is poorly"?  No, it sounds awful!  That's because this verb is able to take adjectives, unlike most other verbs.  This case is called a predicate nominative, which happens when you equate the object of your sentence with the subject.

Now let's take a few more examples just to test out this point.  Try saying:
I am tiredly
I am happily
I am sloppily
You can try any number of adverbs in this sentence, and you'll find they just don't fit.  So why should the adverb "well"?

Have a better case for "well"?  I'm willing to argue it!  Post it in the comments.  But otherwise, I'm ready to say I am good, and if you think you're well, you're wrong.

I didn't get it. But now I do. But it's too late to do anything about it. But that's okay.

One day in the first week of after school during my first City Year, I led a group of Mathson students in an activity. There were about ten of them--more than half of our program at the time--and they were about what you'd expect from a group of 6th and 7th graders: sullen, quiet, disinterested and often disruptive. We had tried to do a few things with them that week but they weren't into it; they didn't like our games, and all they did was complain about how awful our program was.

So I decided that I should turn the tables. If they hated what we did, what would they rather do? I just had them all sit down in a circle and I asked them real simple questions, like why they had come to our after school program, what did they want to get out of it, what they wanted to be when they grew up, what their best subject in school was. We went around the circle one by one and answered the questions. I pressed the shy students a bit when they didn't want to talk, but for the most part, I just asked the questions and wrote down the answers.

And then, after we had been at it for ten minutes or so, I heard one of the quietest students (a girl who I would struggle with a lot throughout the year) whisper "this is fun" to the girl next to her. I was stunned. Of course, when designing an activity for middle schoolers, this is about the strongest praise you can get, and I was certainly thrilled to hear it. But it also didn't occur to me that it might even be fun. I had designed it for my own benefit; I wanted to get ideas from them. How were they enjoying it?

That moment has stuck with me ever since, and for two and a half years, I relished it, but still didn't get it. And then, today, it clicked. It was fun because they were able to talk about themselves, to a room of their peers and an adult, and everyone had to listen. They got to say what was important to them, and what they valued and aspired to, and faced no judgment. Most adults are constantly looking for opportunities to talk about themselves; we've become very talented at using a segue to make an unrelated conversation about us. So as a trained adult, I should have realized that these kids wanted the same thing. Throughout the year I would give them the chance to speak, but only about subjects I would force on them. Tell me how this earthquake makes you feel. Tell me why joining a gang is a bad idea. If they didn't want to talk about my subjects, they would just have to sit down and shut up. But right there, in the first week of school, that student was telling me exactly what I needed to know, but would take years to realize: young people need to be listened to, and they need to be given a chance to express themselves on the topics they want to talk about.

I didn't get it. But now I do. But it's too late to do anything about it. But that's okay.

On how we treat ourselves in this community

I love being gay. It's taken me a while, but I've really grown into it. It's not just that I love men, that I love being different. It's that I feel like I'm part of a culture, a member of a group, and I really like that culture. I've discovered what it means to be gay, not just homosexual, and I really love it.

But there are some things I hate about this culture. Mostly, it's the way we treat each other. We've created a hierarchy based on assimilation. For as much as we are our own people, completely distinct in culture from straight people, we still ascribe the most value to those who represent heterosexuality to us.

In my ever-increasing number of interactions with gay people over the last few years, I've noticed a few trends. "Straight-acting" is a compliment; "gay-acting" is never said, mostly because too many of us would see it as an insult. "Masculine" is a compliment, "feminine" is an insult. When a straight person says "I didn't know you were gay when I first met you," we too often take it as the compliment they ignorantly meant it to be. But it's not a compliment! There's no reason to be flattered; it's just someone mistaking you for someone you're not.

We, as a community, demean bottoms as much as we can, at every opportunity we get. If someone is accused of being a bottom, he often denies it vociferously, or at least hangs his head in shame, but no one ever gets embarrassed about being a top. Tops love to rag on bottoms, but guess what, tops: without bottoms, you all would just be a bunch of sexually frustrated, pretentious pricks.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of us rejecting our vibrant culture and identity by scorning those who represent it most. I'm tired of us seeking to assimilate into the dominant culture. And yet, I get it. Tonight I was walking home and someone screamed "FAGGOT" out his car window at me. What was it? I was all alone, walking down an ordinary downtown street. Was it my skinny jeans, my nice jacket, my scarf? Was it the way I walked? Why had I garnered this harassment? When things like that happen, for a split second I just really want to fit in. I get upset that they figured me out, because that means I might be victim to this sort of thing. But then I realize that people like that are the very people encouraging us toward this awful mentality. Homophobia in straight people is what drives this homophobia in gay people. And our homophobia divides us, and enables straight people to go after us.

Well I've had enough. I'm not going to demean members of my community anymore. I'm not going to hate my fellow queens for being queeny. I love this community and that means loving all of its members, even from their differences.