It isn't welcome here anymore

How are you this morning?  Are you good?  Or are you well?

If I'm describing how I am, I've always gone with good (or okay, or some other adjective).  "I am well" has never quite sat right with me.  But the people who use it seem so sure!  In fact, they even correct people sometimes.  So, since I could never quite figure out how to argue my case, I agreed to a truce with the I am well folks:  I'd let them say it their way, and I would say it in mine.

But not any more.  I can now definitively say that there is only one correct version of this phrase.  It is "I am good."  Anything else is absolutely incorrect.  I'm sorry, but you're not well; you're wrong.

Yes, an adverb usually modifies a verb, which is why well is so appealing here.  Think about the other contexts:  I feel well, I dance well, etc.  You would never (or at least, should never!) say I dance good.  So the correct phrase is I am well, right?

Wrong.  The verb "to be" is an exception here.  Let's imagine you are having a terrible day.  Just absolutely the worst.  When someone asks you how you are, would you say "I am poorly"?  No.  But "am" is a verb, and it takes an adverb, so it should be "poorly", right?  No, "am" is an exception.  To be sure, we don't say "I am poor" either (not in this context).  Nothing quite works in this circumstance, so we'd usually find a way to state it differently:  I'm not doing well, I'm feeling badly, or my condition is poor.

Okay, I admit, I've never actually heard someone say "my condition is poor."  But I think anyone with a 7th grade education can agree that it is grammatically correct, even if stuffy and overly formal.  But look at it again.  My condition is poor.  "Is" is a verb--it is the 3rd person singular form of the word "am."  But it's taking an adjective, not an adverb.  Could you ever say "my condition is poorly"?  No, it sounds awful!  That's because this verb is able to take adjectives, unlike most other verbs.  This case is called a predicate nominative, which happens when you equate the object of your sentence with the subject.

Now let's take a few more examples just to test out this point.  Try saying:
I am tiredly
I am happily
I am sloppily
You can try any number of adverbs in this sentence, and you'll find they just don't fit.  So why should the adverb "well"?

Have a better case for "well"?  I'm willing to argue it!  Post it in the comments.  But otherwise, I'm ready to say I am good, and if you think you're well, you're wrong.