I could see how you'd think my being in the living room, slightly near you, would make you think that I want to hear your every thought and listen as your narrate your life.
However, I can't see how you'd misconstrue my one-word answers or refusal to look away from my computer as encouragement to keep chattering nonsense at me.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Fail
Every time you give me the lead on something, you take it away from me.
Every time I succeed, people only tell me why I've failed.
I've been vocal about how much I've hated this experience, how under-valued I felt, how ignored and under-appreciated I've been, because I thought it might make a difference. It hasn't.
When you tell me you haven't seen me do anything to make this year better for me, I can say I have sought opportunities to lead, I have sought to be pushed into my challenge zone. And yet every time I volunteer to lead on something, every time I try to take something new on, it gets taken away from me. This is too difficult for you, this is too much work for one person, so we're going to take it off of your plate. Well you have not let me do enough work all year! How would you have any idea of what is the appropriate amount of work for me? No one has ever shown any interest in my work, no one has ever allowed me to do as much as I am capable of.
I hate blaming other people for my failings, but how can I take the blame for everyone always taking things off of my plate? Why won't they let me prove myself?
I hate it here. I wish I could quit. I wish it were over. I wish I didn't have to stay on another three weeks, every day remembering what a failure this year has been, how I haven't been able to do any of the things I've wanted to do, how I have not been trusted, respected, allowed to do anything that was of any importance. Why do I have to be reminded of my failure every day?
When you're getting a 20% in the class, you still fail even if you ace the final. I know that. I'm not deluding myself into thinking that success in a couple of little projects at the end will give me an A for the year. But why won't they let me feel like I went out with a bang?
Every time I succeed, people only tell me why I've failed.
I've been vocal about how much I've hated this experience, how under-valued I felt, how ignored and under-appreciated I've been, because I thought it might make a difference. It hasn't.
When you tell me you haven't seen me do anything to make this year better for me, I can say I have sought opportunities to lead, I have sought to be pushed into my challenge zone. And yet every time I volunteer to lead on something, every time I try to take something new on, it gets taken away from me. This is too difficult for you, this is too much work for one person, so we're going to take it off of your plate. Well you have not let me do enough work all year! How would you have any idea of what is the appropriate amount of work for me? No one has ever shown any interest in my work, no one has ever allowed me to do as much as I am capable of.
I hate blaming other people for my failings, but how can I take the blame for everyone always taking things off of my plate? Why won't they let me prove myself?
I hate it here. I wish I could quit. I wish it were over. I wish I didn't have to stay on another three weeks, every day remembering what a failure this year has been, how I haven't been able to do any of the things I've wanted to do, how I have not been trusted, respected, allowed to do anything that was of any importance. Why do I have to be reminded of my failure every day?
When you're getting a 20% in the class, you still fail even if you ace the final. I know that. I'm not deluding myself into thinking that success in a couple of little projects at the end will give me an A for the year. But why won't they let me feel like I went out with a bang?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)